The war is not over for me

I have this fascination with war. Real war, fictional wars, star wars- just anything war related. Some of my favourite shows and movies feature wars at their centre, most obviously is MASH.

MASH is one of, if not my all time favourite show. It highlights war in ways not often shown- especially not at the time the show was made. It doesn’t glorify or make it out to be adventurous or romantic, it shows it for the ugly, horrific, heart breaking event it is. I am fascinated by war. And yet I hate it. Millions of deaths that didn’t need to happen. Families torn apart and people coming home with physical and mental damage that can often times never be prepared.

PTSD is a real thing, and it happens to SO many returned soldiers. A lot of the time they aren’t even aware they have it. I certainly wasn’t aware I had it, I thought nightmares and flashbacks were perfectly normal. I have never been to war, and I never plan to. And I am not saying my life is a war- but at times it does feel like I am fighting in one.

I said that war fascinates me. I also said MASH shows war for what it is, ugly and horrific. That it is not romantic at all. And that I never plan to be in a war. And yet I see it as romantic. I see these characters hating the war and wanting to leave, and for some reason I want to be in their shoes. Is it sympathy? Is it understanding? I don’t know.

This post is very much just for me to get my thoughts out. I don’t know what I am trying to say really. But I do know this. Like many returned soldiers with PTSD; the war is not over for me.

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